Perennials Podcast

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Conversations about growing up, getting wise and trying to live a good life.

Episode 23: Spirals of Healing with Lauren Roberts

Lauren is a coach and teacher who loves connecting women with their power to create change. Through one-on-one and group sessions, Lauren draws on more than a decade of experience working with political leaders and social entrepreneurs to help her collaborators transform their lives, their communities, and the world. As a yoga teacher and trauma survivor, she shares practices that she’s learned along the way for staying resilient, no matter what. Outside of coaching and teaching, Lauren collaborates with other system-shakers like CTZNWELL, where she’s been the community manager since 2017, and the New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault. She also founded INDY YOGA VOTES, a campaign to bridge her local yoga community with political action, and has worked in spaces like the United States Senate, Planned Parenthood, Haven Yoga Studio, VoteRunLead, Conscious Transitions, Practice Indie Yoga, Growing Places Indy, and the Kurt Vonnegut Museum & Library. You can find Lauren on Instagram @laurenkayroberts.

Topics covered:

Lauren’s family culture around alcohol and her experience of drinking in college to soothe social anxiety
How Lauren started using marijuana to self-medicate, distract from pain and turn off the hyper-critical voice in her head
Lauren’s experience of childhood sex abuse, and the ways in which childhood sex abuse is often very coercive and leads to feelings of fault or complicity
Lauren’s relationship to marijuana and how it waxed and waned over the decade of her twenties
Lauren’s struggle with anxiety, depression, OCD, intrusive thoughts and thoughts of self-harm
Realizing that you don’t have to hit rock bottom or check all of the boxes of addiction to decide to stop using a substance
Emphasizing the question of “How is this/has this affected me?” rather than needing to have concrete labels, definitions, and “answers” to questions around substance use and sexual trauma
The way that alcohol is marketed to women, and particularly to mothers, as a way to get through life
Our relationships to our bodies and our bodies’ role in healing
How yoga has helped Lauren to heal and also to connect to other people and their healing
The proliferation of activities and socialization that revolves around alcohol, the fear of sobriety leading to isolation and disconnection, and how 12-step meetings and recovery groups can help
Some tips for getting through events where lots of drinking is happening, and seeking out alternative activities
Acknowledging the loss that comes with choosing sobriety, along with all of the gain
Learning to embrace freedom rather than be afraid of it
How getting out of ourselves, connecting to and being of service to others can ease anxiety
How individual and collective healing are connected
Everyone’s healing matters, and those who have the privilege to access help and resources have a responsibility to pay it forward
Learning to take what works for us and leave what doesn’t based on our own wisdom

References made in this episode:

CTZNWELL, founded by Kerri Kelly
Off the Mat into the World
YogaVotes
New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault
Psychotherapist Sheryl Paul
Coach and teacher Sarah Koestner

Episode 22: Wisdom from The Lord of the Rings, Part One

Topics covered and references made in this episode:

The White Mountains of New Hampshire
The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
The Fellowship of the Ring (1954), Volume One of The Lord of the Rings
A quick refresher on The Lord of the Rings
Wisdom Takeaway #1: Accept help, welcome miracles and remember that we are all connected
Dominant U.S. culture of individuality and thinking we have to do things on our own; remembering that we can’t do everything alone; that we need each other, that there are helpers all around, and that we are all connected
“Elizabeth Gilbert’s Life-Changing Story from Indonesia (That You Haven’t Heard)”, published in Conde Nast Traveler
“...you do not stand alone. You will learn that your trouble is but part of the trouble of all the western world….You have come here and are here met, in this very nick of time, by chance as it may seem. Yet it is not so. Believe rather that it is so ordered that we, who sit here, and none others, must now find counsel for the peril of the world.” -- spoken by Elrond in The Fellowship of the Ring
“...it is not our part here to take thought only for a season, or for a few lives of Men, or for a passing age of the world. We should seek a final end of this menace, even if we do not hope to make one.” Gandalf, The Fellowship of the Ring
Richard Rohr’s daily e-mails from the Center for Action and Contemplation
Sister Simone Campbell and the Nuns on the Bus
“The civil rights movement came out of community, but the legal expression focused on individuals’ capacity to exercise their freedoms….I have begun to wonder if the new task of the first half of the twenty-first century should be a commitment to civil obligations as a balance to the focus on civil rights. Civil obligations call each of us to participate out of a concern and commitment for the whole. Civil obligations call us to vote, to inform ourselves about the issues of the day, to engage in serious conversation about our nation’s future and learn to listen to various perspectives. To live our civil obligations means that everyone needs to be involved and that there needs to be room for everyone to exercise this involvement. This is the other side of civil rights. We all need our civil rights so that we can all exercise our civil obligations.” --Sister Simone Campbell, from the Center for Action and Contemplation’s daily e-mail on July 4, 2019
“...such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.” Elrond, The Fellowship of the Ring
“...only a small part is played in great deeds by any hero.” Gandalf, The Fellowship of the Ring
Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown
Wisdom Takeaway #2: Some things are more important than being comfortable.
Wisdom Takeaway #3: Feast and rest when you can.
Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth
Intuitive eating
Wisdom Takeaway #4: Do what you love, even if it seems like it doesn’t matter.
Tolkien: Maker of Middle-Earth exhibit at the Morgan Library & Museum
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” - C.S. Lewis

Episode 21: Dog's Best Friend with Catherine Gilmartin

Topics covered:

Why Catherine loves dogs so much, and sometimes finds it easier to love dogs than people
The steps Catherine took to start pursuing her goal of training service dogs
How animals reflect back to us our own internal states
The importance of being confident when working with dogs
What Catherine has learned about escalating vs. de-escalating difficult situations
The biggest mistakes most people make with their dogs
Catherine’s experience of college, and how she never quite felt that she knew what she was doing there
What Catherine thinks about the pressure to go to a four-year college, and the advice she would give to her 18-year-old self
Learning to do what’s right for ourselves rather than constantly try to meet outside expectations
“You don’t have to be a good girl to be a good person” -- from City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert
How it feels now for Catherine to be doing what she loves
The importance of cultivating joy in our everyday lives
Learning about what it means to try to find community or build community

Episode 20: Saheli Women with Madhu Vaishnav

You can learn more about Madhu Vaishnav and her work by visiting the Institute for Philanthropy and Humanitarian Development website and Instagram.

Topics:

Why sons are more valued in Indian culture than daughters
Madhu’s experience with arranged marriage, and the long, difficult process that she endured of being rejected by many would-be husbands because of her darker skin
Madhu’s initial commitment to being a housewife--and how she ended up breaking that commitment
How Madhu came to learn English and begin working as a teacher, then social worker
What Madhu learned from her work with women sex workers
How Madhu created her own grassroots non-profit community development organization
Bringing a needs-and-strengths approach to looking at communities (and ourselves)
The challenges that Madhu faced when she began working in the village of Bhikamkor
The Saheli Women project
Madhu’s take on the attitude that students, interns and volunteers need to have to be positively impactful when they go to work in developing countries
The damage that comes from labelling and judging
The challenges that prevent girls in rural villages from attending school and how IPHD is removing obstacles for them
Madhu's views on spirituality and God

Episode 19: Young Motherhood with Amanda Greatorex

Topics:

How Amanda & I are different
Birth order and sibling dynamics
How Amanda met her husband when they were 13 & 14 years old
Amanda’s college experience as a Jazz Vocal major at the University of North Texas
Making big life decisions at a young age
Balancing being a musician and being a mother, and holding the tension of those major life goals
Some of the early lessons Amanda has learned from motherhood, like the importance of asking for help and prioritizing self-care
The loneliness of raising little kids
Keeping the longview in mind and not getting stuck thinking any state is “forever”
Learning to parent ourselves
Bringing playfulness and humor to parenting to save sanity
Amanda’s experience of postpartum depression/anxiety: how she knew something wasn’t right, and what she’s been doing to feel better
Finding a good therapist who isn’t an alarmist and can make you feel seen, cared about, understood and not crazy
Taking the first difficult steps of creating a self-care routine, and being mindful of how small actions become habits that affect our mental health
Entering a new era of motherhood once kids go to school

References:

Resources for supporting mothers:

Episode 18: Music & Creativity with Andy Feldman

Andy’s early childhood interest in the piano, and his relationship to talent, discipline and free expression within music
Creative problem-solving in math, science and music
How to get a song (or a poem) started
The process of writing music and the vulnerability of sharing it
Andy’s band, Secret Sound
Asbury Park Porchfest
How Andy’s fear of letting people down motivated him to take a risk and perform solo for the first time
Naming instrumental pieces
How a resting point on a scenic road in Scotland inspired Andy’s song “Rest and Be Thankful”
The role of improvisation and imperfection in the creative process
“A poem is never finished, only abandoned.” - Paul Valery
Learning when to stop tweaking and editing
Sonder House, a digital label that focuses on ambient, modern classical & folk music
Andy’s song “Stay With Me”
The magic element in creativity that isn’t predictable or controllable
How other people’s voices inspire us to create
Hiss Golden Messenger
Putting way more stock in negative feedback then in positive feedback
The difference between sharing a piece with a live audience v. recording or publishing a piece of work
“She’s So High” by Tal Bachman
“I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)” by Hall & Oates
Holding the tension of creating purely for the sake and enjoyment of it vs. creating pieces that fit in a certain genre for a specific audience and purpose
How Andy has balanced a full-time engineering job while still pursuing music
Quincy Mumford
Learning to say no
Learning about our own strengths and weaknesses
Comedian Pete Holmes
Dax Shepard’s podcast Armchair Expert

Episode 17: Anxiety Strikes Back

Episode 1: The Wisdom of Anxiety with Sheryl Paul
How anxiety robs me of solitude and company
Health anxiety and my Lenten resolution to stop Googling health symptoms
Being honest with the closest people around me about how I’m really feeling and doing
Using body movement to help ease anxiety
Reading novels for catharsis and a sense of common humanity: most recently, My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Frederik Backman and An American Marriage by Tayari Jones
Feeling myself on the brink of greater self-acceptance, self trust and inner independence
The Robcast Episodes: Kristen Bell on Anxiety - Part 1 and Part 2
Having good moments and hard moments; good days and hard days, and learning to cut myself a break
“Pain is not a punishment. Pleasure is not a reward. These are just ordinary occurrences. Kindness. Kindness. Kindness.” --quoted by Pema Chodron

Episode 16: Lucky You with Erika Carter

You can find out more about Erika and Lucky You on her website.

Topics covered and references made in this episode:

My 2017 interview with Erika for The Rumpus
Bad Behavior by Mary Gaitskill
How Erika came to write Lucky You
Why “rejection never ends” for writers
People’s strong reactions to Lucky You
Difficult Women by Roxane Gay
People’s reactions to “unlikeable” characters, especially reactions to complex women vs. men
The TV shows House of Cards and Breaking Bad
No Impact Man by Colin Beaven
Loneliness & solitude
Perennials Episode 15: Broken Things Can Shine with Ona Gritz
The dark side of being young
My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh
Guilt about not having a “reason” for struggling with mental health
Writing believable, strong dialogue
Jane Austen
The timeless aspects and millennial aspects of the main characters in Lucky You
Writing about people’s inner lives and daily lives
Skepticism and cynicism; earnestness and sensitivity
Glennon Doyle and her “Lessons from the Mental Hospital”
Perennials Episode 10: Self-Care, Community-Care with Dr. Kesha Moore
Spiritual Direction
Perennials Episode 14: Your Personal Mise en Place with Paul Finn
Trying to be good people and growing in self-compassion

Episode 15: Broken Things Can Shine with Ona Gritz

The title of this episode, "Broken Things Can Shine," comes from Ona's poem "Geode" (published in the full-length collection of poems Geode, published by Main Street Rag in 2014)

Topics covered and references made in this episode:

Ona’s full-length collection of poetry, Geode, and what it’s like to share very personal writing publicly
Confessional poet Sharon Olds
The cathartic aspect of writing
My fear of vulnerability and sharing work and ideas publicly
Ona’s history of trying to hide her disability
Ona’s article for The Guardian: 'I had spent more than enough time hiding and pretending'
Ona’s poem “Hemiplegia I” and tackling her sense of having a split self
Perennials Episode 3: Becoming Shelf Aware with Tabrizia Jones & the books we carried to help us feel safe
Judy Blume books
The Harry Potter books, by J.K. Rowling, and dementors as a metaphor for depression
Seeking validation and a sense of self-worth from men in our early 20s
“Remember to read yourself sympathetically”
Perennials Episode 14: Your Personal Mise en Place with Paul Finn
Learning self-forgiveness
Practicing gratitude rather than guilt or fear when experiencing blessings and kindness
Elizabeth Gilbert’s advice to her younger self
The song “The Time I’ve Wasted” by Lori McKenna
How having a disability has given Ona a lens for talking about many universal human experiences, especially how we all feel flawed in different ways
Memoirist Anne Finger, who writes about her experience of disability
Expectations of perfection that mothers face & the physicality of mothering an infant
Ona’s memoir On the Whole: A Story of Mothering and Disability
Ona’s poem “No”
Postpartum anxiety
Coming to greater self-acceptance and wholeness
Ona’s poem “When the Man You Love is a Blind Man”
Focusing less on comparison and more on creativity
Ona’s relationship to solitude

Episode 14: Your Personal Mise en Place with Paul Finn